Kennt Ihr Louis C.K.? Nein? Dann solltet Ihr das schleunigst ändern. Louis ist seit einigen Jahren der wahrscheinlich beste Komiker in den USA, und das zu Recht. Sein Humor ist derb, unermesslich direkt, ehrlich und grandios. Seine Shows sind stets ausverkauft und seit er seine eigene HBO Serie mit dem gleichnamigen Titel Louis hat, ist er auch der breiten Masse in den USA bekannt.

Um euch ein Gefühl für den Humor von Louis C.K. zu geben, hier einige seiner besten Zitate über Kindererziehung, Elternsein und Kinder. Vorher aber ein Auszug seines Programms, das alle Eltern gesehen haben müssen! NSFW!

16 grandiose Zitate von Louis C.K. übers Elternsein

It’s hard having kids because it’s boring… It’s just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford the Big Red Dog to you at a rate of 50 minutes a page, and you have to sit there and be horribly proud and bored at the same time.

There’s no more joyful feeling in the human experience than when a child’s play is over… Nothing feels that good, when you can say, ‚I’m not watching that any longer.‘ Every second my daughter is on stage, I can’t breathe because I’m so proud of her, but this is a bad show.

This kid does not poop. This kid craps. I was changing her diaper the other day, and it was like a 48-year-old alcoholic man’s shit in her diaper… And I had no idea that my relationship to the vagina was gonna be cleaning shit out of a tiny one several times a day.

I’m a great father because I only get my kids for half the week. It’s every parent’s fantasy. I say goodbye to them on Wednesdays and know that I’ll be lying in a pile of my own filth until it’s time to see them again.

You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She’s like, ‚Shut up, I hate you, you’re ugly!’… Any parents there are thinking, ‚What did that shitty kid do to that poor woman? That poor woman. I wish I could help.‘

She’s 5, 5 years old, you know what that means? Nothing that she says, matters. She’s never said something actually important in her entire life. I literally could have missed every word this fucking kid has ever said, and nothing would be different!

Some kids suck. Some kids are just sh*tty … and I think that some parents just want to [flip off] their kids all the time. As much as you love your kid, there has to be those times, when your kid is being a sh*t, and he’s going ‘Why can’t I have some candy, I wanted a candy,’ and you just wanna go, ‘You know what? F**k you kid, alright? F**k you. How do you like that? F**k you, buddy.’

There are no laws on naming your children. None. You can name them anything you want. I’d like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like ‘Ladies and Gentlemen.’ That’ll be a cool name for a kid. ‘This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen!’ Then, when he gets out of hand, I get to go, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, please!’

I just don’t let em have it.. Yeah, it’s easy. Just say, ‘No, you can’t have it; it’s bad for you. But ‚I want it,’ ‘I don’t care what you want.'“

Title illustration courtsesy of Andrew Preftonaine